Stupid Lemon

I'm being an absolute fuck-wit that I would want to slap myself with a trout right now. If I were a character in a book, I'd wanna pull my fucking self out of the pages and just whack my head so hard, the aftermath would make for a good gory read.

As Lorcan rightfully said in his blog: When you make a life-altering, perhaps even emotionally catastrophic mistake, you want to convince yourself you're doing it for the right reasons, whatever they may be. When you realise that you've been fooling yourself all along, to avoid pain or hurt, you slowly start to wonder just how fucking far into denial a person can drive themselves when they really want to.

I am insanely awake at 5 in the morning all because of one stupid line. One stupid line that says "if I never hear from you again after this email, I would understand." Cos NO - I would never fucking understand. I would never understand why I would toss words into the wind and then go assume that everything has been signed, sealed and delivered - WHEN I KNOW BETTER!

Unbelievable. How I get into these awe-inspiring moments which for one awesome second seems so right, but after many hours, just spells my name in bright-Hollywood-Hills-type prints. It reeks so badly of the me I don't want to be!

I am such an emotional fuck-wit that even I would not want to be with my own shadow. I am doing nothing but proving my own lemony self right yet again, and that I would never be able to reconcile myself to.

I'm running away.
I'm leaving this place.
Yeah, I'm running away.
I'm running away.