Mullance

Someone asked me yesterday “How are things?” and I couldn’t give an honest reply. Simply because. I have to admit, my head was not all there. I blamed it on taking a tumble on a wet surface just after I got home on Monday. I blamed it on the rain, wetting the floor and the lack of space in my bedroom. I blamed it on the bruises that caused me to sleep without rest.

I can blame it on so many things, other than what I ought to blame it on.

In the day, in the night
Say it right - say it all
You either got it or you don't
You either stand or you fall

But this week is not about me. It’s about being there for a Bear who is rather lost at the moment. A Bear who, if he were the drinking type, would be opening bottles of Louis XIII and Patron tequilas (thus making his best buddy here the happiest chic on earth!) A Bear who is as sad as Winnie-the-Pooh when Christopher Robin went off to school.

I wish I knew what I could do or say to make my beary friend feel somewhat better. I would even send FuzyB out on loan, if I thought a goldie would somehow make up for the emptiness he is feeling.

When your will is broken
When it slips from your hand
When there's no time for joking
There's a hole in the plan

I cannot understand why is it that it has to be so hard. This thing we call ‘relationship.’ It really shouldn’t be if there was so much love around. Isn’t love after all a coming together of two like-minded individuals who know that they are better off as half of another, than one of a whole? And if that were the case, then wouldn’t everything else be neglible?

I am not sure if I’d rather be in my place or Bear’s ~ to know real loss or pseudo loss. True that I maybe jumping the gun just a tad bit as the reason given am very much valid. In fact, it was one that I had anticipated seeing how when you travel at the speed of light, something’s gotta give sometime soon. Yet, there is a keen sense of loss that I reckon, if weighed alongside Bear’s, it would cause us both to be licking the floor.

I can't say that I'm not lost and at fault
I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark
I can't say that I don't know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show you tonight

Maybe we should both go buy a dog. Maybe I should move out of my apartment tomorrow. Maybe we should take the rest of the week off and me hide under my blanket and Bear go off on a holiday to anywhere. I don’t know which of these maybes we should do … or maybe none at all.

So many things I don’t know … so many things to think about.

But I do know that I cannot go through another day of going into my office car park, forgetting that I have a season pass and taking a ticket.

I do know that I cannot consciously take a blink and realize that I am driving too closely to the curb, and it pedestrians.

I do know that I cannot walk from my car to my apartment, realizing I left my keys somewhere in between.

From my hands I could give you something that I made
From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid
From my body I could show you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?

Apart from all that, there’s really nothing very much else to be said. Nothing that’s not be cautioned before. Maybe said someone is right in that I mull too much. Yet, there is something to be thought over and that would remain in my head until I decide what I want to do with it.

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean anything at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

Say it right

Nelly Furtado