A Great MTV

"It's raining. And this - would make a great MTV video for some song."

I have been sitting in the dark at my desk, trying to encapsulate my thoughts so that I lay everything to rest and move on. Yes, I am that Black or White. And yes, I'm such the Do-er: I see a gaping hole in front of me, and I need to fix it to the best of my abilities despite all advice to stop the thinking and do some sleeping.

I'm still doing the hysterical manical laughing once every few minutes. I mean, who in their right mind would be able to say something like this has the makings of a great MTV at a time like this?! 

He almost make it so easy for me to pick up the phone and say "Forget what I said. I take it back. Pretend it didn't happen." But I can't do that to myself. Not anymore at least.

I'm trying to recall my motivations for blasting a hole right thru my near perfect make believe life. And I guess, the only thing I can recall is looking myself in the mirror and going "Life cannot go by me like this."

But in the last hour I have also realised that life doesn't need to have a great big gapping hole either. All said and done, he's my anchor but also my friend. And there are not many of you out there that I can say the same about. And quite possibly because he knew me in a different way, he can say things to me that no one else does. And I can accept his thoughts as unbias, except when it comes to Billie. But then again, maybe I can now that the cat is out of the bag. Who knows?

Anyhow, I'm here, still in the dark, sitting and pondering on the wisdom of discarding the "what-could-have-been" and taking the "what-is", which is we have a bond that really defies a lot of Barbsie fundamentals.

I'm idealistic in many ways and sense of the world. And one of the things that I'm idealistic about it how can one forget and move on. When in fact, I know that it can be done, and it has been done. And sometimes, greater things come out of it.

So yes, I may have my heart laying there in smithereens, and this may seem to you a lame attempt to clutch at straws. But I think it's the connections we make while we're alive. And not the ending of the connections that matter. 

Which then only leaves the question of: Can we really forge a true and real friendship now that I have my rose coloured glasses off?

If it could happen, it would then truly make a great MTV!