Let Me Go?

Home ~ noun

1. A house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household.
2. The place in which one's domestic affections are centered.
3. The dwelling place or retreat of an animal.
4. The place or region where something is native or most common.
5. Any place of residence or refuge.
6. A principal base of operations or activities

I am having a deep sense of melancholy as I sit in my study room, looking out on one of the city’s major highways, noting the doubling amount of traffic, heading north and south. I observe my neighbours, pulling trolley bags, baskets of goodies, dressed casually as they pile into their cars and head off.

It’s the rush to get “home” for most people, even the non-Chinese as we are a day shy of a new lunar calendar.

For the Chinese, heading home during this season is one of the most important acts as an adult person. It is a demonstration of the values one was brought up with, and still holds dear despite having grown their own wings. Our culture even extends it to the married ones, as the 3^rd day of the festivities is when husbands bring their wives back to visit their own families.

Tomorrow would see most homes bustling with a hive of activity as mise en place for the evening meal is kicked off. In our home, it would mean that the veges are washed, chopped, diced, sliced. The beef would go into a large pot with onions, potatoes, carrots, tomatoes and an old porcelain spoon, and the pot sitting over a charcoal fire till early evening. The chicken would be braised, steamed, dropped into curries.

Come late afternoon, the 2^nd dining table would come out. Spare cutleries would be washed, dried and set. Plates of all designs would be placed next to two large rice-cookers. Plastic chairs would be wiped down, counted and parked around the table. 

By 6 pm, everyone would have taken their turn in the shower, dressed and ready to open the gates as the others who lived away pulled their cars into the grounds and familiar faces seen only once a year appear behind the gates. 

Dinner is not a long affair. A whole day’s prep, done in less than 60 minutes. But in that 60 minutes, the banter, the laughter, the reminiscing would last us the whole year thru. And as one generation grows older, we cannot help but remark how blessed our family is to have 4 generations under 1 roof. 

I am having a deep sense of melancholy as I sit in my study room, remembering how it always has been, and how it would be tomorrow night. Except that I would not be there, but here alone, all by myself. 

I am having a deep sense of melancholy as I cannot go home.