"To what lengths would you go to achieve this fast-forward thingy?" asked someone earlier this morning. And I had no answer. 4 hours later, I still don't.
I have been silently cursing and swearing at today's Gosple meditation link. Are our conscience sand daily living united to this Truth or do we prefer to continue to be blinded and live in a falsehood that brings pain? But as the email title says: Face the Truth.
Some people do more good as atonement, and some people just veer off the course altogether. As I told Charlie, for a good 300 days a year, I live my life like a saint, calculating all my decisions and being thoroughly risk-adverse. But the remaining 65 days or so, I could throw absolute caution to the wind and say "Fuck All" for all I care.
Today is one of those 65 days. So much so, I have an itch to pack a bag, take the day off, drive home in my road-unworthy car. In any case, it definitely warrants flying shoe. Heck - make that flying shoes. (And trust me Bear - it's gotta be the entire warehouse load full cos even Whites is not pleased with me!)
I sat by the corner of my front door for a good long time. It's past 4 in the morning, I should really be in bed, sound asleep. I'm not and I doubt I should... a whole bottle of vodka and red wine ain't gonna guarantee I will wake up on time. And today, of all days, I really do not want to invite any more bad-ju-ju than those that I successfully accomplish myself.
Alcohol, weed, coke, absolute segregation of mind from body and soul ~ heck let's try it all and see what happens. Or rather how 'fast' we can fast-track this thingy. Cos we already know sitting by the door didn't do jack. And frankly, so did none of the above.
The only thing that the last few hours has taught me is this:
I just want my friend back, and there are no lengths too far or wide for me to get to that.
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