Being Boring

There’s this game that I play with a friend when we run out of things to share. There’s no name to it, but it’s basically music trivia. I always cheat cos I’m not very good at remembering song titles, nor the artiste’s name.

I came across a cache of old photos and invitations to teenage parties
Dress in white one said, with quotations from someone’s wife, a famous writer
In the nineteen-twenties

And so yesterday, for some sense of normality in the chaos that has ensued, we played the same game. And the song Being Boring came on up. He asked if I remembered the video. And having downloaded it today – naughty naughty is all I can say.

When you’re young, you find inspiration
In anyone who’s ever gone and opened up a closing door
She said: we were never feeling bored

It’s funny how this song has stuck in my head.. and is playing on my WinMedia now cos I’ve been nothing but melancholic for the way things were and how it all changed.

When I went, I left from the station with a haversack and some trepidation
Someone said: if you’re not careful,
You’ll have nothing left and nothing to care for
In the nineteen-seventies

Looking back, I almost wished I didn’t have the need to find “perspective”. Looking back at all the mails exchanged, the thoughts shared… perspective is over-rated. It didn’t make things any better. In fact, it almost is single-handedly responsible for making things worse. Cos right now, it feels like there’s nothing left and nothing to care for.

But I sat back and looking forward, my shoes were high and I had scored
I’d bolted through a closing door -
I would never find myself feeling bored

That paragraph rings so true. Everyday was a roller-coaster right of thrills and spills. And it’s not so much the emotions that ran thru like adrenaline pumping thru a footy player on the pitch. But there were no inhibitions on expressions. Not a conversation was boring.

Now I sit with different faces in rented rooms and foreign places
All the people I was kissing, some are here and some are missing
In the nineteen-nineties

To be ponderous about what had gone on, is a useless state of mind. Cos it’s gone out the door, taken by the dog to the moon. Which was why it was sausade on Saturday morning. I sit here and I reflect and I feel as if I have cheated my own self by being the old me and thus, bringing life to a stop, as always.

I never dreamt that I would get to be the creature that I always meant to be
But I thought in spite of dreams
You’d be sitting somewhere here with me

Maybe in the shadows of the moonlight, I would be brave enough to face the facts and state what is real. And ask it out loud in the manner it should be done. How easy we see it on TV… my fave show Grey’s Anatomy comes to mind. The scene where Derrick asks Meredith – What does this mean?

What DID it mean? What is going on? What am I suppose to make of it all?

Cause we were never being boring

Ask me what I want and I would only be able to tell you in general sense, that I want to go back to when we were never being boring. When everything was funny or fun or unique or sweet. And for either one of us who wanted to know the answer, all we had to say was "question", knowing that there would not be any repercussions of any sort. Oh! ~ The questions we have asked.

We had too much time to find for ourselves

To when no matter how crazy our day got, there was always time to say hello or to write that short para, giving an update on what’s been happening and commenting on what had happened. And no hour was too late, despite the fact that I thought people over 34 needed to sleep by 11 pm.

We dressed up and fought, then thought: make amends

To when getting out of the office at a decent hour was not cos we were sick of the place, but cos we had something better to do. To when deciding what to wear was something that warranted 4 phone calls to 4 different persons, and wearing a shirt warranted a discussion that spanned a whole week.

And we were never holding back or worried that time would come to an end

To when time felt like it was going by, but not for us.

And maybe in a way, it still feels this way.. cos while it’s only been a short time, we seem to find it hard to believe that only 100 days had passed.

It’s like I’ve stepped off the roller-coaster and went on the carousel instead with the engineer on his lunch break. It’s just going in circles and I can’t get off. No matter how hard I try, I can’t.

And because of that, I want to go back to when we were never being boring, when we had so many things to explore and find.

It's not fair that time has come to an end.