A Brand New Name

My best buddy nominated me as The Person Most Likely to Keep Her Promise. I don’t think a lot of people would agree with him on that note, considering some of the promises I have gone back on in recent times.

I told you once and I'll say it again
I want my message read clear
I'll show you the way, the way I'm going

One of the biggest things to hit my mind in the last 24 hours, is how I am pushing myself to the limits of my abilities. While it serves me well at work, I am floundering when I use it in my personal life.

The two are not the same. I cannot treat it as the same. I cannot expect that I will always be able to rise to the occasion and surpass all my demons. That the demons of life are not the same as the bastards, whankers and bitches from work. Those you can see. Those you can bash and shove into the broom closet.

These other ones – they lurk in shadows and pounce when all is still and quiet. They slitter out of key-holes and escape even after you’ve stuffed them right behind boxes and clothes.

I was almost there
Just a moment away from becoming unclear
Ever get the feeling you're gone
I'll show you the way, the way I'm going

This running back and forth, this teetering on sanity and insanity. It’s turned me into a Code Brown that’s just waiting to happen. I will not be the person who finally caves and rant it all out washing dishes in my kitchen’s pot wash area.And because I don't want to be THAT person - I am bracing myself to cease and desist.

But I have been taught. And taught well. That ceasing and desisting does not always have to be done in the dramatic fashion that I know.

At the end of the day, one doesn’t have to disappear to make a friendship come to an end. It is very much like a car. You’ve gotta give it the proper up-keep and care to keep it going smooth. And wasn’t it said sometime before – I am not one who has a very good track record of keeping the car well- maintained.

So I run, hide and tear myself up
Start again with a brand new name
And eyes that see into infinity

In this world, there are smart people, and then there ARE smart people. And these latter type of smarts – they don’t often let give that they know what’s going on. And when they do, it blows your mind away. Fortunately, after awhile, you wise up to their act. And you play the same tune on them.

I know a few smart people out there.

I will disappear.

And you'll finally get what you wanted.