The Wise Woman Said..

I had a surprise email this morning. In the midst of all the madness at work, trying to finish up what I could so I could go deliver good on my promise to my kids to see them, in the madness in my life of trying to help my lil girl cope with her daddy's new station in life, in the madness in my head trying to keep the demons at bay.

It was not the mail I had expected. But then again, it's always the unexpected that makes the most sense. And it said this...

"After reading your blog .. I realised how harsh i was in talking to you yesterday ... about asking you not to be true to yourself .. in emotions .. in feelings ... of course you have a right to be true to yourself .. and you should never hide it .. what I fail to understand is - why are you saying you need to be true to yourself now when sad, when you've lived a life of not wanting to be true to yourself when you're happy? Everytime you're happy, everytime you find someone, you go on a roll of receeding into your shell .. hence .. making yourself and the other person confused .. i know you don't want to be hurt ... but if you don't try, how would you know??"

In life, one can only take so much from another person. Sometimes we swallow the bitter pill of harshness cos we're paid to do so, like I had to. This morning. Bright and early at 8. Going with my pride in my back pocket to my Director, apologising for something that's not my fault. However, it had to be done cos I am ultimately accountable for it.

But most of the time, when I'm not paid to, I fight back in fierce rage when my friends say harsh realities to me. Thing which I know rings a thousand times in truth but which I am not wanting to hear said out loud. It frustrates the people who say it. Especially when I show a look that says I do not want to hear this.

Yet, I find myself re-reading this particular email again, in the quiet of tonight. Simply cos this person who said it, knows me best and has been thru half my life with me. She's been there for the good, she's been there for the bad. She's also been there for the ugly. And as such, she's earned the right to say these things to me above anyone else.

Plus the fact that she's the only who honestly have said this to me and for me to believe it, "Hurts me to see you like this and i wish i could give you the magical someone who would just sweep you off your feet. But then i think even if i did hand him over to you on a silver platter .. you would just reject-receive it."

It takes years of friendship, email exchanges, phone hours, tea-times and hugging the other while they cried to get to where we are. In a way, tonight, I am grateful for her being my friend. And these days, I am hardly appreciative of my friends.

If not for anything else, I know at least someone out there sees me as a diamond and cherishes me like one.

Thank you Mandy!