Bottled-up

I’m feeling a whole lot of angst building up inside of me. I’m feeling the need to go to the nearest off-license store and purchase a whole lot of moonshine with the balance of my salary. I have no reason to feel this way.

Or DO I?

I'm giving up on everything
Because you messed me up
Don't know how much you screwed it up
You never listened - that's just too bad

I have been mulling in my head, the possibilities that I have been lied to. Once again. Even when there is no need to. And it befuddles me as to why then the need to lie when nothing matters? When nothing is stake? I hate lies. I hate telling them. I hate listening to them. I hate people who do them.

Or DO I?

Because I'm moving on, I won't forget
You were the one that was wrong
I know I need to step up and be strong
Don't patronize me

I’m a word person. And when you’re a WORD person – words don’t have the same effect on you that it has on others. It has an EVEN BIGGER effect cos you turn it around, you explore its every possible meaning and wonder – WHY of ALL the words in the world, this particular one was chosen.

I wish for once, I can stop doing that.

Gotta get away
There's no point in thinking about yesterday
It's too late now - it won't ever be the same
We're so different now

And so because so many things are out of my control, and because I sit and let them grow to be maggots in my head, I lose myself in my work, in structured chaos of the office and operations, spending 18-hour days in a drab, grey building full of empty bedrooms and long corridors.

A building made for me and my broody mood.

I know I wanna run away
If only I could run away
I told you what I wanted
But I was forgotten
I won't be forgotten - Never Again

Maybe what I need is one great big yelling and shouting. To let it all out – to speak what should have been said. To rant out loud, with the force of the voice and emotions, carrying the words to the heights it’s meant to reach. Maybe I’ve not been allowed that one great release, it continues to brew and boil.

Have you forgotten
Everything that I wanted
Do you forget it now?
You never got It

So go on. Read this and indulge me. I’m so sick of your many lies; it’s no longer funny. I'm done trying to figure you out.

Do you get it now?