The Reply

The church I attend observed World Marriage Day yesterday. An unusually long service, it was a bit of an eye openner, especially when all the married couples were asked to stand and renew their vows. People of all age, colour and sizes stood up to hold their partner's right hand and say "I Do" in turn. Some laughed. Some where oblivious and needed a poke or two in the rib. And then there were those, mostly grey-haired and wrinkly, looking absolutely solemn and very much in the moment.

And I wondered - how do they get there?

We always hear of people saying that keeping a relationship alive is hardwork. And those grey-haired and wrinkly, didn't get there by pure luck. And it takes both parties to work hard to make it work: I should know. I have worked my butt off on two occassions and still live in my windy pigeon hole in the sky by my self. 

And thus I wondered - is there then such a thing as meeting your IDEAL MATCH?

While at my age, and having been-there-and-done-all-that, I should be able to list clear as crystal what I look for in my ideal man. But I couldn't. All I could do was list the traits and qualities I got burnt by and did not want.

Sure, a lot of people think that I need a man so that coming home won't be that awful a feeling anymore. Plus that Lydia and Luke should have a father figure around. And of course, being part of a two-income family would be easier on me. But having been in situations where the above did exist and yet I still felt alone, I can safely say what I need may not be what I want.

At the end of the day, if I had to pick someone for one reason and one reason only it would be because that person understands me to the depth of my soul. My fears, my insecurities, my ambitions, my hopes, my dreams - he would know without me even saying a word, and he would seek to calm, quiet, fuel and nurture them in his own fashion: doing it without me realising until I have broken down my brick walls. 

And in turn, I would be the same to him - his santuary, his serenity, his motivator and his guide. Filling in gaps of his life that no one else has been able to fill. Making him see a different perspective to his convictions, and accepting them as his own.

It's a lot of hardwork, I have to admit. A lot of time spent pondering, deciphering, understanding, arguing, reconciling, accepting and trusting. But it's all about complimenting the other, not changing the other. And I suppose if and when I do find that person who is all that to me, and who I am all that to him - it really wouldn't matter very much to me if we're not one of those old foggies who would stand up in church years from today. 

I would be happy to grow old with that person in any fashion, cos everything else would be just a piece of paper.