Bleeping the sheep

I have been silent. Simply cos it’s now T+1 at work. And the countdown to receiving our first “guests” has begun – even though our RM 10 million kitchen ain’t really working. Which only means that a whole new set of system needs to be redone.

I have also become a 100% pure insomniac. I know this cos I sleep for about 90 minutes, then wake up and stay up for another 3 hours or so, only to fall about asleep for another 2 hours before the alarm goes off. Yes – I know. Keep this up and there would be nothing left.

I have not seen my children in 2 days. They have not been home in 5. They are coming home tomorrow for a night and then it’s probably off for another 3 to 4 days on the out-side.

This is not a life. At least, not a balanced one. And as such, I find myself fighting harder to get that balance back, which always brings a lightbulb or two on.

Got a major massive shelling from a good friend over dinner. And it’s not one of those You’re an idiot allowing everyone to walk all over you kind that only sets you down. It was with good intent (as with the other kind that I get as well) but it had a learning to go with. A corporate lesson so to speak. And the lesson goes like this

• I’m putting in so much of my time, energy and commitment into this thing that everyone else calls a job.
• There is no “I” in team and as such, I am in denial that I have a team.
• I should speak up and tell my boss what’s going on cos that’s what he’s paying me for. (Now this one I am fast learning to do efficiently!!)
• I should learn what I can from here, then move on to greener pastures. (This one I am still doubtful about.)

Oh sure – someone else must have said one or all of the above to me at some point in time. And in all honesty, it never really clicked cos I probably never thought them having seen or experienced enough to fully comprehend the “why”. I know I am very likely to be pissing people off at this point. But then, what are friends if we cannot speak our thoughts?

So hold your head, and hold your tongue
But only say what you have to

Which brings my thoughts to this – could people possibly be best friends forever? I used to think that it was possible. But lately, as my own time become far more precious than it ever has been, I am beginning to have my doubts. Serious doubts!

Sure, you’ll have friends that you can click with, even though a long time has gone by without a word or sight. But to remain best buddies, one has to work at it. And filling me in at your convenience – it’s not working at it.

The devil inside won't control my life
Too much love, so little hate
The devil inside won't control my fate

I may be unfair in my line of thoughts here. But then again, life is never about being fair. It’s about knowing when to sink cost or cut loss.

And so, as tired as I was today, I found it far more interesting and worth my time to:

• Go help someone place an order for a leg of lamb
• Have my knives sharpened by my Executive Chef so it could be used to cut the damn thing up
• Pick him up to go get it
• Run into the grocer’s to get the dry goods to dress it
• Spend Friday night shoving garlic and badly chopped rosemary into lil incision holes, only to have the ones previously shoved in pop out again.

AND – I’m not even gonna be at the dinner where the lamb would be served. But I sure had a good laugh and good fun doing all of that. Which was the reason why I decided that it was a good way to spend my free time today.

My colleague calls me a sucker for this. But I say – it’s cultivating a friendship. There are days where I give, and there are days where I take. And it has been demonstrated that there are days when I receive even without needing it.

So here I go to see the world
With my eyes and with my soul

I said before that in life, some people are plain substitute people. Maybe I felt that way because I WAS one. Maybe I'm being unfair in this which could be easily construed as not comparing light to light. But then again, what is light in your definition?

So hold your head and run my time
The "what" of life no man can rhyme

And maybe that itself is another lesson I should start listening to learn. There are some friendships worth cultivating. And there are others – well… let’s just say.. if I’m not worth driving out for just cos you've voluntarily offered to take care of someone else's property while she parties, then I’m not really your best buddy.

So here we are and here we bleed
To be a victim there's no need

Come to think of it - it never bothered before that I had MY notebook in my car in a public car park. But then again, maybe there never truly was a REAL need for me anyways. And as such, I was never a cause for concern of any sort.

Oh well... that's enough of lambing for one night. And by the by - it's not called being jealous.

It's called seeing the world, NOT through rose coloured glasses.