The Past, the Present.. and September

It’s 2.30 am and I should really be in bed asleep as the alarm is set to go off at 5.15 later so I can make it in to work on time. Have been pottering around the house and reading some mails that sits in my mailbox, never to be deleted.

I’m one of those people that always had a need to know the rationalization behind things, why and how. In fact, during my past review, I asked my boss if he had sent me to do the dirty on the termination of our staff recently cos a pre-employment test thingy indicated that I have trouble dealing with things that clashed with my own value set. And yes – I hit the nail on the head with that according to him.

Maybe that’s why one of the things I am still struggling to come to terms with is the fact that last week got so thrown out of proportion. I know all about the ‘nothing you can do about it’ conundrum but that is quite unlike the person in question to lose sleep over it.

Anyways, maybe one fine day when the stars are aligned, we’ll talk about that. Just like the many other things we’ve said we’ll do *grin*

And as one week goes from the being the present to being shelved as the past, I wonder what it would be like from now on … if people are resilient to the point of being able to let go of all that and really put it as water under the bridge.

It worries me as I’m the sort who means what she says. To be fake just absolutely takes the life out of me. And so, if I say I’m cool about things – would you believe me and be yourself?

There used to be a lot of fun – a lot of laughs. But then again, I think I was much warmer and funnier, less high-strung and such. I’m tired of this deep melancholy especially with time moving faster than I have ever known it to be ~ I truly do not want to wake up from this piece of the present and find that the future’s gone by as well. And I was too busy sitting at my spot under the big tree to enjoy it.

And so I have come up with a solution. There's this brilliant place that I know of – it’s called “Where it used to be fun”. It’s one of those places that one stumbles across on a rare chance. And it’s kind of like the places that people go when they consumed non-prescribed drugs *ahem* - you’ve got to be absolutely at ease to get there.

I have a spare ticket around here somewhere and I’d like to give it to you for the trip cos I can’t think of another friend whom I am comfy enough with to enjoy the ride. Got to warn you though – lots of laughing out loud over whimsical nonsense is required.

Cos in looking back, I miss the funnies that used to be, amidst the occasional seriousness. And maybe in part, I am responsible for the funnies disappearing as they did, when my perspective got off the train and went on the bus.

I did this. So let me correct it.

Say you’ll come.