The Thinking Conundrum

It's raining so heavily tonight.. it has not stopped since I came home. And there's a chill in the air that I cannot shake off. I try to warm myself with candles and lights on all thru the house. Yet, the chill remains...

I don't wanna be adored

Don't wanna be first in line

Or make myself heard

Maybe it's cos I had a strange dream last night. One of blood and gore. Don't know where that came from. But it's one of them that leaves you shaking as you wake up. Or maybe it's cos the whole morning felt off ... and when it did finally feel right, I found myself at a loss as to what to say when there were too many things to be said.

I'd like to bring a little light

To shine a light on your life

To make you feel loved

I have this awful nasty habit of putting myself before other people. And yesterday, I found the same thing happening again. Old habits die hard. And no - I do not need another child, to use the words of a wise white-haired man. And I don't think that's what that is wanted as well.

I lay myself down to make it so

But you don't want to know

I give much more than I'd ever ask for

Why is it that when there is a gazillion things that can be done in this modern world, we always fall back on the tradition, the trusted, the failed ways in which we use to demonstrate what it is that cannot be said?

Will you see me in the end

Or is it just a waste of time

Trying to be your friend?

And why is it that we feel that it is only when we give that we're worth the ground that we're standing upon? Why must the sum of our existence be reliant upon us, having done something, and to do it cladestinely to boot?

Just shine, shine, shine

Shine a little light on my life

Warm me up again

So on this chilly night.. when some warmth would be much welcomed, I wonder if it's too late to say this to myself...

Fool, I wonder
If you know yourself at all
You know that it be could be so simple

Maybe in my trying to not be a shadow on the world, I have made my existence more transient than I had liked it to be. And in that, I had forgotten that transient people are often invisible as well. Not seen, nor felt.

Say a word or two to brighten up my day
Do you think you could see your way
To lay yourself down and make it so?
But you don't want to know

I think in the process of not thinking about thinking, I have managed to confuse myself. And maybe even you. So I really should take heed to my own words.. and stop thinking for once.

Which only leaves one thought..

No, I don't wanna be the only one you know

I wanna be the place you call home

Scary... what "not thinking" can do to one such as me.

And you say that it's good to see me happy like this *grin* Boy oh boy... you're falling a bit out of touch there now *wink*

~ Hamburg Song by Keane ~