Closure

Too much sleep during the day sure as hell screws up your night. None of my potpourri of pills contains anything remotely close to a sleeping drug. So I have been lying awake in my bed for the last 2 hours… thinking.

And like a moment of truth, I see my light and it’s gone in my head – I shouldn’t have to be here, like this. Stuck in a moment, not moving forward and not backing out.

After weeks and months of sitting around, I think it’s time this moment stops here.

Don't stray ~ don't ever go away
I should be much to smart for this
You know it gets the better of me

Nothing’s happened. Nothing’s changed. No one’s gone and done anything wrong, and as such, no one is gonna get any emails with a link to this – yet another one of Barbsie’s thought.

Sometimes, when you and I collide,
I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time, don’t let me drown
Let me down - I say it’s all because of you

So why then this ya? I am not too sure either.

And here I go, losing my control
I'm practicing your name
So I can say it to your face

Maybe it’s cos I don’t want to have to sit through another week of yo-yo-ing with myself. Not quite knowing when to let loose the reins or when to reel myself in. Not quite knowing where the line is, and if there even is a line.

It doesn't seem right, to look you in the eye
And let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth
Indeed its time - tell you why I say it’s infinitely true

Maybe it’s cos I find that I cannot be a hypocrite – to have said this to one of my boys this evening – One fine day you’re gonna wake up and find that she’s grown tired of waiting, and gone off swimming with the dolphins in search of her mer-man, and not take some of my own medicine.

And there's no cure, no way to be sure
Why everything’s turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt It makes me so tired ~ I feel so uninspired

I’ve done the “be there for the joy, be there for the tears, be there for each other bit”. And I’ve done the drink courage and be coy bit as well. And seriously – that is where I am gonna draw the line. Cos I’ve never been on of those who believes in exerting their feminine wiles, and I don’t think I should. Ever. Again.

REBECCA: "I'm asking you to give me a reason to stay here, Alex. A reason from you!!"

My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apart
And now, it all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon

I seriously think I have done all I can in this thing called a moment. Not to say that it’s all been a farce, cos it’s not. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – everything that has been done so far, has been from the heart and as such, it should be seen and expressed as so. Yet I seem to be hitting a brick wall from time to time, and I don’t know why, nor what else to do – if there is such a thing.

DEREK: “So, I'm asking you, if you don't see a future with us. Please... please just end it because I'm in it. Put me out of my misery."

It’s a risk, it’s a gamble.

But if you take away space, you’re only left with here. And if you take away time, you’re only left with now. And between HERE and NOW, I’ve gotta find some middle ground before this consumes all of me, and all that's left of me and I walk away hating the fact that I'm living and breathing.

It’s no fun to be wondering and to be missing. It’s no fun to be sitting here at half past midnight, and trying to figure life out.

IZZIE: [to George] "I am an optimist. I am a fool. I am not sure. But because I'm your best friend, because I love you, I also have to say... that I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you. I can't promise a future, I can't promise perfection, because we're us, I'm me and you're you. No one knows what will happen. But in my heart, I am sure. I'm in love with you George. And I hope you're in love with me too."

Say you'll stay

Don't come and go like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know all about you

Lyrics by Bic Runga ~ Sway~
Quotes from Grey's Anatomy ~ Didn't we almost have it all~