It's my last normal Sunday morning. I cannot foresee being able to laze about the house on a day such as this for a long time to come. At least, not until work settles down after commissioning.
Yes - the long awaited opening of the hospital where our food and beverage services are being carried out, is finally happening come Thursday. And we even have patients scheduled for surgeries the first week of October.
We're excited. We're nervous. We're wound up as tight as a spring on a new car. We're keeping a lid on our tension by telling ourselves that there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
~ ** ~
I had my review yesterday. For the first time since joining the workforce, I had a boss tell me "Thank you for the work and dedictation you've given to the company." It's usually something said when you're parting ways. Not when you're sealing your fate with the company.
I did well. Very well, in fact. But then again, I am not surprised. It was my expectation to put in this much. Maybe what surprises me is that for once, it was pronounced to be very appreciated. It's a weird feeling. But I'm sure I'll get over it soon.
~ ** ~
Since 5S-ing my study room, it's been used most by the children. And last night, the very reason why somethings were boxed up came back to bite me in da bum.
They were in there an awfully long time. I had thought they were drawing and stuff. But low and behold - both Lydia and Luke were leafing thru the old photo albums. I didn't know until Lydia came out to ask me who the man with the short hair was, holding her as a baby, in the pool.
For an instant, I wanted to say, "His name is Ray Chang and he's your dad." Instead, I tried to buy some time, alternately asking her why she wanted to know and if it was important to know, and looking to Puppy for help.
At the end of it all, I told her the truth. That he is her father. That she has 2 daddies but that the first one went away. She asked where did he go to, if I knew where and if I had a map that would help us find him.
I am plain grateful that this 6-year-old's thoughts ran only along the lines of finding him, and not on the route of why he went away. Maybe in 6 years time she and I will get there. So yeah - I still have time to find the words that would likely break her heart, even though she does not know it yet.
~ ** ~
I caught up on my blog readings, i.e. the blogs of like-minded individuals I have chanced upon the Internet over the last year or so. I am agog that September was as bad for them as it was for me. And I'm even more stunned to see that a couple of them had the same life situations that I have been in.
It's strange. These are people I would likely never meet in this lifetime. Yet, as I read their thoughts, I find myself comprehending their fears, their tensions, their choices of life. Bungee - we were all there at some point in time this week. Some of us jumped and fell without a safety net. The rest of us - we're still on the ledge.
~ ** ~
I wrote my first normal email in a very long time to a dear friend. It's worth a mention cos it's an indication that I am alright. It's also worth a mention cos it's an indication that maybe I've grown up just a wee lil bit to get here.
Most of the time in life, we do not get the things we want. But in the wake of the loss, we sometimes reflect and realise that it may not be really what we want. Kinda like, give me the sun, the moon and the cow to jump over it and I wouldn't know what to do. Half the time, our grief could be lessen if we but accept that life is such. I know that now.
It's a big relief cos I am myself. And it's not a concerted effort to be. Plain and simple - that was me in all the paragraphs and words. And you know what - I think that too would be appreciated.
~ ** ~
A new work week beckons. There would be decisions to be made. Shoes to step in to. I am getting ready for it by scheduling the rest of the day to get stuff going. I should be taking a day of rest. I probably would catch a nap in the afternoon.
The standards that I go by are finally put down on paper. It's worth over 80% according to the scale that my company uses. And I think, now that I've set it in stone, I have no other choice but to walk the talk and live it out.
Other than all that has transpired, I would have to say that it has been a normal week. Congruent with the life of any other 30-something. You wake up, you go to work, you try to have some form of life for yourself, you take care of your kids, you go to sleep.
Anything else that happens in between is what makes life, LIFE.
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